I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
