i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
