He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry about my life...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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