dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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