Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
