so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
