Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
