FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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