conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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