D3 body, D1 cock
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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