i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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