sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
