You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
