Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to be your penis for a week.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
