Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
