Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
