i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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