This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
