help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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