i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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