How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
