I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
