Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
