Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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