Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
