I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
