I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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