Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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