Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
