He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
