I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
