Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
