Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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