I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize