i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
