I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
