we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
