your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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