I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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