that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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