cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
