I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
