everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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