Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
