You just made me feel so damn special
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize