my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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