Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
