Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
