I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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