I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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