I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
