Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
