He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
