well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
