I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
