Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
