I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
