I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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