I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
