I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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