If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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