Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pooping to opera.
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