im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
