omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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